She likes us, she likes us!

I feel like Sally Field.

Apparenlty we look really good on paper, cuz she showed up with a very positive attitude and presented herself as an advocate for us. She's really nice and friendly and I feel like we could be friends in real life. Today's meeting was short, just a meet and greet, more or less. She did have some specific questions for us regarding our questionnaires and tomorrow we will get into those more, as she will read them thoroughly tonight. Corey is about to be gone for several weeks, coming and going on business, so she said that she would do the meeting regarding attachment issues with just me and I could relay that info to Corey. She's going to send some reading for us via e-mail so that he can read it on his travels.

Attachment can be a real issue for adopted children. Chinese orphans seem to have fewer issues than some others because in general, the orphanges have a low caregiver to child ratio and they seem to have some consistent care from the same nannies. This is vital, as babies ordinarily begin attaching immediately after birth, having their needs met by their mother and hopefully father over and over again, and it is important for them to make that connection early with someone. So that they know that their needs will be met and that they can rely on someone. Our child will likely grieve her caregivers for sometime after we meet her, and each child is different. Some withdraw, some get super-outgoing and bouncy. But her life will be disrupted and it won't be a welcome disruption on her part. So in addition to understanding and helping her through her grieving process, we have to simultaneously work intensely on getting her to attach and bond to us. With some children, this goes a bit easier and may start before they leave China, others need more time. Some families restrict their child's interaction with all others for up to a year, not even letting others hold their child. It depends on the child, but I don't think we will go that far at all. I will be at home, so I can be with her nearly 24/7, only leaving her in the care of her daddy. This is necessary so that she comes to understand that we are IT, the ones who will always be there to take care of her needs. She won't have ever had that before, most likely, even if she comes from foster care instead of an orphanage. We will be baby wearing. We will be bottle feeding some for a period of time, even if she is a year older or more. Chances are, she will still be on a bottle at the orphange, and bottle feeding creates bonds with us that her feeding herself doesn't create. We will be practicing much of attachment parenting. I don't see her sleeping with us, as I've never had a desire to have a family bed or sleep separately from my husband, but if necessary, I can sleep in her room until she can sleep on her own. Orphanage children are not used to sleeping alone. Some adapt quickly, though, to their own room. Others take a while. You just never know. For all I know, she will bond immediately to Corey and take months to warm up to me. I have to be prepared for that. It's a crapshoot, really.

So I'm getting ready to order some books on attachment and adoption and we have a couple of years to get ready for it all. If we pass our homestudy, the next big thing is to pass our medical exams. I'm not worried about me, but Corey hasn't had a physical in 15 years. Well, he tried to have one last year, but blacked out as they were taking his blood pressure. The man has serious doctor/hospital phobias related to his father's early death from a long fight with cancer. I'm worried that it will take several tries to get him through a physical and I'm slightly worried they'll find something seriously wrong with him.

But one step at a time. For now, I'll take the feeling I have that she likes us, and go with that.