The Grill Master

So, ten years ago when we bought our first house together, we also bought a gas grill. C was all about the grill. He grilled several times that summer and a few times the following summers. Thing is, I didn't use the grill. It was way too far from the kitchen. In our old house, to get from the kitchen to the back patio you had to walk through the large (carpeted) living room and study. Then if you had stuff on the grill and stuff on the stove, you were literally running back and forth. Not the most convenient method of cooking. But C has testosterone coursing through his veins, and there is something about testosterone that draws men to a grill like moths to a flame. And he wasn't worried about what was on the stove. He'd go out and cook some chicken after I prepped and marinated it while I did the veggie and the starch and he'd be all "I cooked dinner" and I'd roll my eyes and let him bask in his male grilling glory.

Then we moved to Europe for a few years and the grill sat and the cover blew off a few times and it got rained on and rusted and the ignition button stopped working and all-in-all, when we got home I was scared to death the thing would explode if we lit it up.

So on Mother's Day weekend this year, when Mom and Dad came over for our yearly take-them-out-to-lunch-on-Mother's-Day thing, they brought Daddy's pickup so he and C could go get the grill we had picked out the day before...and so that Daddy could take our old grill for recycling. So now we have had the new grill for about ten days and I have used it for every meal. I love it. Meats, veggies, garlic bread...some day I may try dessert on it. Our patio here is right outside the kitchen and I light a bug lantern to keep the mosquitoes away and so far that is working.


Thing is, when discussing the grill, either just with me or with Mom and Dad in the room, C is all about how much he likes to grill..how much he does grill. How he is The Grill Master. Now, maybe ten years ago he used it a few times, but it has been years since he's done any cooking at all. On Mother's Day we designated him the Grill Master and Mom told me to keep my mouth shut, maybe he'd fix dinner. I knew he'd only fix dinner if I teased him aboout how the Grill Master never actually grills.

He swears he cooked before he met me, and I have no doubt he heated up some soup and made spaghetti, but I saw his kitchen when we met and although he had two great looking pots and a frying pan, they hadn't seen much action and he didn't even own a baking sheet or a roasting pan.

In our 13 years together (11 years of marriage), he has made spaghetti once, chili once, and baked chicken breasts a few times...mostly when I was not feeling well. His version of baked chicken is to take a couple of breasts out of the package (no seasoning), put them directly onto the baking sheet, bake them, then when they are done, pour cold barbecue sauce over them. He does veggies straight out of the cans...no added salt and pepper or butter. In fact, he continually tells me how veggies don't need seasoning. While I agree that in some instances, simple and steamed is the way to go, most veggies...in fact, most food...is improved by seasoning. Since all-in-all I am a good cook, he doesn't argue that point with me, but I think he just doesn't know how to season, so he doesn't.


Not that he's cooked in a few years.


When I used to work, household labor was more evenly distributed. He didn't cook, but he cleaned up afterwards. Now that I stay home, the household stuff is mine and he hasn't even displayed his one true kitchen talent, making pancakes, in so long that I can't remember the last time he did it. In fact, as I left town to go pick up my brother at the airport a few weekends ago and go to my parents, I called him and asked him to turn on the dishwasher because I forgot and he didn't know how. (And then after I told him how, he never did it...) He's never actually turned on the dishwasher in this house. Now, since he works hard so that I could have a fabulous new dishwasher, I don't complain about that, but it does speak to the division of labor around here.


But last week C said he was going to grill over the weekend. I called him from the store during the week, asking what I could pick up for him. He said he wanted to do the shopping. I told him he was expected to do the whole thing...veggies, too. This male ritual of grilling the fun stuff and claiming he fixed dinner while the Wif not only does all the rest but preps the meat as well wasn't going to fly.


So late Saturday afternoon he came home from a haircut with steaks, garlic powder (umm, we already have some), salad fixings, and canned corn. I didn't get a photo of the meal, but I did get him brushing the grill after taking his steak off. Mine was in the kitchen growing cold, since I like mine rarer and it didn't occur to him to put mine on the grill a few minutes after his. I'll take what I can get. He fixed a lettuce and tomato salad and canned corn and I told him what a good meal it was even though I did mess up and tease him about the knife he used to cut the tomato.

I swear, we have a knife drawer full of knives for different applications and the only knife he EVER uses is a steak knife. I even keep those put away in the cupboard since we rarely use them and he will go dig one out. I know I should just let this go...he will never appreciate how different blades make cutting easier and safer...but I'm a knife girl and this is one pet peeve I have a very hard time with. When we first met, I couldn't believe that he'd really use the same knife to cut an apple, a bagel, and a steak. I thought maybe he just didn't know better, so I gave him tips. He's not interested. I'm learning to get over it. I'm getting there, though...maybe after another 11 years I will have learned to completely bite my own tongue off and then another 11 years after that I will have finally let it go.

I the mean time, I solemnly pledge to let the Grill Master grill when he wants and offer lots of positive reinforcement. Maybe next time I'll offer to prep the meat and fix the veggies...after all, I think a tasty meal cooked together is perhaps better than a rather bland meal cooked up by a guy with his heart in the right place but no idea what to do with onions or herbs. I'll let him cook the meat, though. It seems to fulfill some inner need to cook meat over fire...hidden deep in his genes...inherited through the millenia from a cave man who, no doubt, was his own clan's Grill Master...and who only ever used one blade for everything.